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HUMOR

Need to Know is as serious as it gets, but laughter is good for the soul and helps to keep our equilibrium amid the chaos. So, here are quips, gags, and images to put a smile on your face. If you have some you would like to share, please send them here.

GREAT TRUTHS CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED
1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
6) You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

GREAT TRUTHS ADULTS HAVE LEARNED
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jello to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don’t hurt.
3) Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. You need all the preservatives you can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
4) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
5) Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
6) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT SUCCESS
At age 4 success is . . . . Not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . . Having friends.
At age 17 success is . . . . Having a driver’s license.
At age 35 success is . . . . Having money.
At age 50 success is . . . . Having money.
At age 70 success is . . . . Having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . . Having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . . Not piddling in your pants.